The Secrets of Haruhi
by intoxicating.light
Summary: Lies & secrets are common at Ouran Academy, but Haruhi Fujioka is hiding the most. - ...Haruhi Fujioka is actually Haruhi Sohma, when her past catches up with her and her real family comes back, will her secrets be her downfall? How will her deceit affect the new family she's made with the host club?
1. 01- Rebirth & Lies

**Full Summary in the bottom notes. **

* * *

There are many words that could be used to describe Haruhi Fujioka, a star student, caring, blunt, a crossdresser, reasonable, understanding, and most definitely- a _liar_.

There is an argument old as time between the difference between a lie and a secret, the fine line is almost far too easily crossed.

The prestigious Ouran Academy is filled with both of these, lies about friendships, lies about money, lies about power. Secrets about blackmail, love, business plans, you name it. But what else would one expect from a school for Japan's most rich and famous?

Of course, no one would expect Haruhi Fujioka, the school's resident commoner to be carrying the biggest secret of all.

Haruhi Fujioka does not truly exist.

The short brown-haired girl pretending to be a boy for Ouran's host club is actually Haruhi Sohma, an outcasted member of one of Japans biggest family's and a "member" of the zodiac.

The third child with two older brothers, Yuki and Ayame. After her birth she was revealed to be the wolf aka the outcasted zodiac. Her mother was beyond disgusted with her child, so she made the choice to have her memories wiped of all three of her children. From then on, she lived in the main house with Akito, he kept her by his side nearly every day, using her to take out his anger, mess with her, dress her up, whatever suited his mood. She became his most prized possession, because that's what she was- a _possession_.

By the time she was of middle school age her "God" allowed her to leave the house, for reasons unknown but irrelevant at the time. He told her to leave the family home and not show her face, of course he gave her three rules before she left that have haunted her since that day.

One- She was to have no contact with the rest of the family.

Two- Do not expose or tell the curse to anyone.

Three- He _will_ retrieve her one day and when he does, she _must_ come back.

She wasn't sure if it was possible to agree and leave the house as quickly as she did, her heart pounding with every footstep she took, the thoughts in her head going miles per hour. This was her chance to stop the physical and mental pain inflicted on her every day, to meet new people who would actually befriend her and not fear her or hate her like the others in the main house.

The only issue? She had never been outside of the bounds of the main home so the young girl went to her eldest brother, she may have had a complicated relationship with Ayame due to their mother and Akito but she needed help. Ayame immediately agreed to help his young sister, calling one of his childhood best friends, Rouji or Ranka as he went by now, he was aware of the curse but had never gotten his memory wiped and once he was made aware of Haruhi's past and current situation he agreed to take the girl in for as long as needed.

* * *

Even though Haruhi's dream of being around other children and living a normal life had come true she was in a constant state of fear, as she started middle school Akito's taunting words would play out in her head when she tried to make friends, interact with anyone beyond Ranka, a daily mental reminder, engraved into her, _heart_, _body_, _mind_ and _soul_.

_"__Haruhi, you are the most cursed out of everyone, what do you think would happen if you left home? If they found out what you are? A monster. Do you think they would still care about you? No, they would be scared, maybe even try to kill you to save themselves. Like the rest of this family you are not like the others in this world. You will never belong with them-nor them with us."_

Even away from him she couldn't help but focus on everything he said, maybe he was truly right, she would always be a monster.

She spent most of her middle school time throwing herself in her studies, putting herself at the top of her class, occasionally making "friends" but mainly keeping to herself. The summer before her first year of high school she got accepted into the prestigious Ouran Academy, perhaps she truly wanted to attend so she could slip away into the background, why would rich and powerful teenagers bother with a simple "commoner?"

After a few incidents in middle school with boys getting almost to close she decided the best course of action was to change her appearance completely. Cutting off her long brown hair, that for the record was actually sliver but she kept dyed to keep up appearances. Changed her feminine wardrobe to baggy sweaters and loose fitting jeans. Trading her contacts for bulky thick glasses. The girl she saw in the mirror was unrecognizable, the only thing that she had kept was the silver chain around her neck used to keep the spirt of the inner wolf at bay.

This was the day Haruhi Sohma was reborn as Haruhi Fujioka, a girl surrounded by lies.

* * *

Since leaving her family everything had been a new and strange experience, but nothing was as mind blowing and strange as the day she walked into music room three, the day that tilted her already screwed up world off its axis. The day six men, no _boys_, brought her into their world, no into their _family_.

Of course, they would never know how much that meant to her, it brought her peace she had been craving her whole life. Without knowing it they had fulfilled her childhood dreams. She may have had been hesitant at first, but they broke down her guards and she would always be thankful for that fact.

Though she would never be able to show them who she truly is, or what she is for that matter, she was willing to give them anything she could. She was in debt to them for a broken vase, but unknown by the prince like boys she spent her time with she was truly in debt to them for giving her a second chance.

But even so she still kept her guard up, waiting for the final shoe to drop, the brick wall she's built up, one by one, carefully crafted, to crumble. She knows one day the man who haunts her dreams and thoughts will storm in and destroy every brick until she left in the wreckage, _broken_ and _empty_.

She was living in a fairytale, with six beautiful princes waiting for her to ride off into the sunset with them.

She was their princess, a perfect girl, the damsel in destress they had grown to love.

But she knows, she can feel it in her gut, eating away at her soul, the clock is ticking.

She is not the princess, she is the monster.

The prince's will find their real princess's and live happily ever after.

Monsters don't get happy endings.

Haurhi is more than a _liar_, she is a _monster_.

_tbc_.

* * *

**Notes:**

**Summary- **The line between lies and secrets is very thin and easily crossed. Haruhi Fujioka knows this better than she knows how to breathe. Haruhi Fujioka spends her life pretending to be a commoner attending Ouran Academy when in reality she is Haruhi Sohma. An outcasted member of the zodiac, but when the past catches up with her and her real family comes back, will her secrets be her downfall? How will her deceit affect the new family she's made with the host club?

**Trigger Warnings-** Graphic description of violence, abusive behavior, mental health, and sexual situations.

This story originally been uploaded to AO3 but I decided to publish it here as well.

This first chapter is just a prologue/rough overview of the situation leading up to the actual story, Haruhi's childhood and background goes into further depth in the later chapters.

I truly wanted to explore Haruhi's emotional/mental state as anyone from the Sohma family is going to have some intense trauma that I would like to experiment with- due to this I must at a trigger warning for it get's quite dark.

This story is less of a comedy (of course since it's an ohshc crossover there will be humor) but more of an emotional growth story along with some romance.

All reviews and critiques are greatly appreciated, updates might be a bit random as I work full time but I will try to be somewhat consistent.

I own neither of these shows or the characters.


	2. 02- A Sickening Feeling

Haruhi has gotten good at wearing a mask, a perfectly built façade she has worked up for years. Playing the role of a simple commoner girl living with her crossdressing father, sometimes she even forgets it's a disguise, but the nighttime is a completely different situation.

Most nights she cannot sleep, if she sleeps then she will have to _remember_\- and she just _can't. _It isn't until every muscle in her body is fighting to give into the pull of gravity and her vison loses focus that she is forced into a painful dreamscape. It's these nights that remind her she is simply pretending, a harsh reality check about who she truly is. These dreams are filled with nightmares, terror radiating through her entire body. A cosmic force of fear and memories filling her subconscious mind to the breaking point, the control she has tried so hard to maintain in ready to shatter and send her into the deep end.

A waiting game for her to lose her hold, and finally crack. The angered spirit resting in her ready to destroy everything in it's path.

After the first few years living with Ranka the nightmares had lessened in intensity, but the past few weeks they had started up at full force again. She can't explain it, but she can feel it, deep inside her that something is coming to crush everything she has built.

The sickening feeling building up, making every day _harder_ and _harder_ and-_harder_, she tries her best to keep up her act but it's tearing her down more with every passing night.

Which is how she found herself falling asleep in the club room after all the guests had left, the lack of sleep from finally taking over, she tries to fight it off but her body feels so heavy, like she is being yanked into the darkness.

It surrounds her, pure black space, she is in a room but there are no lights, nor windows, not even a door, just closed walls. She tries to calm her breathing but it feels as if her windpipes have shut down. She focuses on the sensation of a slim hand pressing into her throat, it's choking her. There is a metallic taste in her mouth and though she can't see what it is she knows it's blood.

_Crack!_ A whiplash sound filling up the silent room. She feels pain radiate across her spine, burning as layers of skin break open. _Crack!_ Her body feels like it's on fire, but she can't scream, can't move, can't breathe, only feel. Every nerve in her body lighting up like fireworks, her heartbeat pounding in her ears as her eye's struggle to stay open before she completely goes under.

"Haruhi!" A voice yells pulling her out of her terror filled dream.

Her eye's immediately open up as she sit's up from where her head was laying on the table, franticly looking around the room, she sees six males all looking at her with concern in their eyes, she takes a few deep breathes, forcing the oxygen to go in and out of her lungs, carefully and calculated. She touches a finger to her lips before bringing it to her line of sight, she notices the deep crimson liquid, she must have bit into her lips while she was sleeping.

"Uh I'm sorry guys, I didn't get much sleep last night." She says looking back at the club members.

"You were shaking Haru chan, it looked like a really bad nightmare." Honey says, his normal childlike demeanor lost as he spoke with worry.

"Oh, my precious Haruhi! What was it about, Daddy will help!" Tamaki yelled running towards her to pull her into a tight hug before she moved to the side to get out of his reach.

"It was nothing sempai, I just have been stressed with classes that's it, I'm gonna go clean up in the bathroom." The brunette exclaimed as she walked out of the club room, leaving the six hosts confused.

* * *

To say Haruhi was a mysterious person was an understatement at best, everyone in the club had grown to love the girl but yet she still was extremely puzzling. Kyoya had taken notice of this immediately, she rarely allowed physical contact with anyone, even after researching her when she joined the club, he was only able to find her middle school records and recent doctor reports, no birth records, no information from before middle school. She never brought up her childhood unless it was needed, never shared any unnecessary information about herself, it was like her entire past was hidden away.

While over time these baffling things were put out to the side, he recently thought on them again as over the past week her attitude started changing, seeming lost in thought most of the time, visible bags under her eyes, even though she would smile and talk to her guests it seemed less genuine as if wasn't truly there.

This wasn't only seen by Kyoya, all the hosts had noticed the change in the brunette, she was slipping away from the group, but no one knew what was going on or how to help.

The twins were taking it personally, they had let someone else into their lives and told her things that no one else knew and she was drifting away from them.

Honey was worried about his friend, she was usually so sweet and happy but now she just was distant, didn't joke around anymore. Mori noticed the change, he was very observant of the world around him and could recognize the distress in her, as if she was under some sort of attack.

Tamaki was trying to figure out how to cheer his girl up, but she wouldn't give him the time of day, allow him to comfort her, hug her, she wouldn't open up. Why wouldn't his daughter tell him what was wrong?

"Alright men, it's time to start plan cheer Haruhi up!" Tamaki said to his fellow members in his typical king like manor.

"And how exactly-" Kaoru started.

"-Do you plan on doing that?" Hikaru finished.

"I think that's a great idea!" Honey said with a bright smile as Mori nodded and Kyoya just looked at Tamaki.

Before Tamaki could respond the girl in question walked back into the room, heading towards her bag as she got ready to leave for the day, right before anyone could say anything a regular client of Haruhi's named Aya walked into the room, all seven hosts turned to the girl.

"Um excuse me Haruhi, but there was a man walking around campus, he had dark hair and a kimono, uh he told me to ask you to meet him in the gardens in front of the school." Aya said stuttering a bit over her words. The rest of the club was confused before they turned to Haruhi who went sickly pale, her hands shacking a bit.

"Thank you Aya, did he by any chance give you his name?" She asked her voice cracking the slightest causing the six men to get more concerned than confused.

"Yes he did, he said his name was Akito." Aya said, Haruhi gave her a slight smile before Aya left the room.

The brunette clutched her book bag to her chest as she tried to stop her shaking.

"Haruhi, are you okay?" Honey asked.

"Who's Akito?" The twins asked after Haruhi didn't answer Honey.

"He's no one, I need to go." She answered shortly as she beelined for the door.

"Wait! Haurhi We can go with you!" Tamaki yelled following her, she swiftly turned around.

"No need, I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?" Haruhi answered quickly leaving the room.

The six reaming hosts all looked at each other, locked in a silent communication basically agreeing to go follow the girl.

* * *

She forces her trembling legs to walk to the garden, she knew this was coming! She can still taste the raw wound on her lip, but she knows that it is the least of her worries. The pit in her stomach since she heard his name is growing deeper and deeper as if to swallow her whole. With tremendous effort she forces herself to keep walking, pushing away any emotion on her face, it isn't until she sees the back of his head in the garden that she feels like she is going to fall down and throw up.

Every part of her being in screaming at her to _turn_ and _run_, get _away_ as fast as possible, it takes every ounce of strength to keep going in his direction, she's about to lose everything she's made and she wants to break down, but she won't, he can't get that satisfaction from her.

Akito turns around and looks her dead in the eyes, she sees the satisfied smirk fall across his face as he walks right up to her, reaching out and grabbing her hands into a tight grip, a small smile resting on his lips as he looks her over.

"Hello my dear Haruhi, it's been awhile." He addresses her, '_no no no, this can't be real!_' She takes a small breath before responding.

"Akito sama, what brings you here?" She asks, with strained politeness.

He moves his hands from her hands to her wrists, applying a tight grip that will most likely leave bruises as his nails dig into her flesh.

"What a foolish question, it should seem fairly obvious why I am here," He sneers before abruptly pulling her closer to him, allowing her lack of balance to catch her off guard when he lets go of her completely. Her knees hitting the grass, staring into the green plants.

"Yes of course, I apologize." She says keeping her head down, _'Don't argue, don't resist'_ she repeats in her head.

He grabs the small handful of hair at the top of her head and pulls her face up so she's looking at him. Quick swift kicks hit her chest, knocking the breath out of her lungs, the pain radiates but she won't yell out, she can't do anything but take it all in.

"I think it's time for you to come home, you had your time away but that ends now. You agree, don't you?" He asks in a tone that make it's sound more of a statement than a question.

"Of course, Akito sama" She meets his gaze for a moment before closing her eyes.

"Good, I expect in two days for you to be living with Shigure, your brother, and Kyo. On Friday you will come to the main house, we have many things to speak about, do you understand Haruhi?"

She felt her blood go cold as he leans down to grasp her chin with a sadistic smile, "Well?"

"Yes, I will move and meet at the main house on Friday."

"Good answer." He says as runs his hand over her check before letting go of and turning to leave, before he is completely out of sight he speaks over his shoulder.

"Oh, and Haruhi? Two things, first if you try to run away you will come back to the main estate for good and back to your room there, I'm sure you remember it? Secondly dress in correct female clothing and grow your hair back, you are a Sohma, look the part!" He the disappears out of sight.

She completely falls to the ground, clutching her necklace, silent tears streaming down her face, in just minutes everything had crumbled, she isn't sure how to even get up at this point. She moves her fingers into the ground, gripping the grass as if she held hard enough it would keep her safe. The small cuts on her wrists bleed out, small crimson drops falling on to the green landscape. Her lungs contract and she feel like hyperventilating.

She doesn't know how long how she stayed there, minutes? Hours? Seconds? It feels like a lifetime before she feels a hand on her shoulder, forcing her gaze to look upon a man in a white lab coat, Hatori. He holds out his hand and helps her up, leaning her body against his as he leads her away to check over her injuries.

* * *

Unknown to the broken-down girl being led off campus the six males had just seen the entire encounter, filled with anger, fear, and most of all questions.

The girl they loved was just beaten up, and they couldn't help.

The girl they loved had a brother?

The girl they loved was a Sohma?

What was going on? All six wondered frozen in place.

_Tbc._


	3. 03- To Feel Alive

Haruhi was never one for breaking rules or acting on impulse, her perpetual anxiety usually forcing her to stay in one place, be the simple girl she always wanted to be.

Nevertheless, she found herself downing the vodka her foster "father" had taken home from work one night, the small apartment deathly silent with Ranka being away for the evening.

If this was any other situation she would be calling one of her newfound friends, letting their carefree attitude take her into a faraway land.

But they wouldn't understand, even if she wanted them to (and she _doesn't_.)

If this was any other situation, she would feel guilty for acting so irresponsible, but she doesn't, 'she deserves this' she tells herself as she takes another large swig of the clear liquid.

The burning sensation is a kind distraction from the forming purple and yellow blotches taking place on the surface of her skin, her chest aches with every swallow, she wonders if he cracked her ribs?

Hatori had left shortly after giving her a quick check over, 'pretty sure he was more worried about my mental state then physical' she laughs to herself.

Across the room is a suitcase she had pulled out to start packing but now she can't look at it, she won't allow herself to think on Akito's words or hidden threats with the mention of coming home. She can't think about how she is leaving six figures who see her as such a "good girl" when in reality that girl was more worried about appearing good then ever truly being good.

In this moment she just wants to feel the comforting silence around her as her throat burns and eye's grow more and more heavy until intoxication takes over and she falls into a dreamless sleep.

For once in her life she just wants to feel _alive_.

* * *

It's three in the morning when Ranka arrives home and shakes the hazy girl back into consciousness, he doesn't question the liquor out or the fact she was asleep on the table still in her school uniform, the newly formed bruises on her wrists and red and puffy eyes speaks volume. He doesn't even have to ask to know what happened.

"It's time."

Only two words, she say's them in a hollow voice barely making eye contact with the red-haired man, he moves down next to her taking her hand in his drawing soft circles on her knuckles.

"So you found the good stuff." He says grabbing the nearly empty bottle from across the table finishing it off himself. They both share a humorless laugh, whether it's for his comfort or hers is unimportant, it's just the only thing they can do. They both know they can't fight this, only accept that their time has come to an end, but for now they can hold the others hand as silence descends around the makeshift family.

He leads her to her bed, holding her hand until she falls back asleep, but he can't find himself to leave her side, as he watches the girl who has become a daughter to him.

To most people he would seem crazy (and maybe he is) he chose to take in a preteen girl who wasn't even entirely human, he was in a deep depression from losing his wife, had a poorly paying job, barley ate and spent nearly every night drunk.

However the night he received a call from Ayame about his sister he could hear his wife's voice in his head urging him to take the girl in, following his heart he did.

Kotoko was always a motherly type even though she had no children of her own, she was never one for any form of injustice or mistreatment, that was first drew him to her, the fire burning in her soul ready to take down whatever was hurting another. They married young but he wouldn't take that back for anything, he loved her more than the world itself, after her death he felt his heart ripping in half, the world he knew disappeared into a void of alcohol and heartbreak.

Maybe it was a bad idea to take a child in, the first weeks were awkward and filled with excessive tension, the young girl very quiet and afraid while the man found himself completely in new territory with how to form a relationship or offer comfort. In the end it was the memory of Kotoko that brought them together.

* * *

_Thirteen-year-old Haruhi sat across from Ranka, the two had been living together for nearly a month and had only managed to find a rocky middle ground with each other._

_"__Who's that?" She asks looking at a photo of Kotoko and Ranka sitting together on a couch, smiles adoring both of them._

_He found himself taken by surprise by the question, a sad smile came across his face as he looked at the photograph he kept up, "My wife Kotoko before she passed."_

_"__What was she like?" The girl asked with an apologetic look in her eyes._

_"__She was the strongest woman I ever met, loyal and brave. She helped everyone she met, filled with more love then I thought was possible but also a passion that could take any bad guy down if someone was hurting."_

_He responded lost in memories before the girl surprised him once more._

_"__She loved you." She stated._

_"__What?" He was thrown off by the statement._

_"__Her eyes-" she pointed to the photo "-They are filled with love as she looked at you, eyes hold the gateway to the soul, in her eyes you can see the raw love she had for you, more than just care or familiarity, that's love. I think where ever her spirt is, she still has that love."_

_In that moment he felt part of his heart piece back together, her words bringing comfort he had lost for so long back._

_"__I think she loves you too Haruhi, even if she never got to meet you, you and her are a lot alike, her spirt is watching over you, I just know it." He said, meaning every word, he found a new admiration for the girl forming. _

_"__You think so?" She asked with slight tears in her eyes, he had heard about what happened with her mother and could understand her reaction to his statement, he grabbed her hand in soft hold before nodding._

_"__Yeah I do."_

_"__Then I better work hard to make her proud." She said with a smile._

_He knew then that he made the right choice._

He watched the sleeping girl next to him, they had grown together, his heart was breaking at the news of her going home, but over the years he had grown to understand Haruhi like his own child and one thing he knew for a fact was that she was strong. No matter what would come in the future she would survive and conquer, she had the same fire as Kotoko and not even the worst monsters in the world could burn it out.

He stood up, taking one more glance at the girl, before turning the light off and heading out of the room, letting the emotions he held from the girl slip down his face, he truly does love her.

* * *

Her head was spinning as light came through the windows, the dull ache in her head making her want to bury herself into her blanket and stay like that until the end of time, the nausea working it's was into her throat didn't help, neither did the throbbing pain across her chest and legs.

She forces her legs to bear her weight as she adjusts to a standing position, she makes her way to the bathroom, splashing cold water against her face, the red that covered her face last night now replaced by dark shadows, her eyes look lifeless, she forces herself to look away from the girl in the mirror and life up her shirt, the bruises now awful disformed shapes, shades of purple and yellow covering her stomach and ribs like a kindergarten art project.

'_Great, just great_' she tugs down her shirt before adding the other layers to her uniform. Running a brush through her short hair taking one more look at herself, '_I look like crap, but at least respectable crap_.' She thinks.

Before she leaves for the day she grabs an envelope that she has been holding on to for weeks now, it has the rest of her debt money she owes the club, with Akito back who knows what will happen so it's better to be safe.

She goes about her school day in a haze, the effects of last night still taking a large toll on her along with her stress levels skyrocketing, she's on edge to get school over with, get to the club, sort everything out and get home.

When her classes end and club hours begin she heads to the music room before noticing the sign placed on the door.

"The Host Club is closed for the day"

Great, so they either know somethings up or are planning something stupid, either option isn't something she really wants to deal with today.

* * *

The six men had all come to the conclusion they would talk to Haruhi today, Kyoya even agreed and had shut the club for the day, they waited for the brunette to come in, when she did she looked like she hadn't slept an hour the night previous, which just confirmed that they all needed to talk.

She walked over to a couch and slumped down quietly for a moment before looking at them all.

"So what's going on? Why are we closed?" she asks yawning.

"Well we needed to talk to you about something Haruhi." Kyoya said in a cool tone.

"About?"

"That man who came to see you yesterday, Akito." Tamaki answered more serious then he normally was.

"What about Akito?" She spat while sitting up.

"We saw him hurt you Haruhi! What is going on?" Hikaru asked raising his voice.

"So you guys followed me then?" She asked aggravated.

"How do you know Akito Sohma?" Honey asked, no one answering her previous question.

"He's a family member of mine." She said, looking at no one in particular.

"So you're a Sohma then?" Kyoya asked as she nodded.

"Then why would he attack you!" Kaoru yelled.

"It's none of you damn business! You all have your own family history and dynamics and I never questioned you! None of you have the right to question mine." She yelled standing up.

"Like hell we don't! You lied about your family to us and then someone shows up and beats you up before another guy shows up and takes you away!" Hikaru snaps back and the brunette.

She grabs her bag and throws an envelope at Tamaki, before speaking, aggravation clear in her voice.

"That's the rest of the money I owe, now you can all get out of my business." Pushing past the group and walking out, the door slamming before anyone could do anything.

The host club was stunned by what just happened, no one speaking a word, Tamaki drops the letter before the twins walk out of the room, Honey grabbing Mori and pulling him to a corner, and Kyoya picking up the letter, examining the money she had filled it with.

Something is seriously wrong and they all know it, but for the first time their family names and money don't have a way to fix this.

_tbc._

* * *

**Notes: **Next chapter we get some of the Fruits Basket characters, a big part of this storyline for me is Haruhi's mental debates and growth as a person, so I want to give a clear picture of the different reactions she has to everyone around her. This won't be the end for her and the host club, but first she needs some space. 3


	4. 04- Clinical Detachment

More than once she'd dreamed of this exact moment; the drive back to her own personal hell, a reoccurring nightmare that left her petrified and choking on her own fear.

She would struggle to keep her poker face, anything to keep the satisfaction away from _him _of getting to watch her crumble.

Perfect calculation behind every move she would make, her every breathe planned, a game of chess she was prepared to win, but she knew, deep down that no matter what she did, she was bound to lose. There is no winning against God, and sadly in this life he is hers.

But now, as she sits in the back of a taxicab watching the tall buildings fade into large trees, the sound of the city slipping away, she doesn't plan her next move. She isn't fighting for air, she isn't playing a game, she enters the world she tried to hide from.

She is back and this isn't a dream.

In this moment she has nothing to lose, and she feels _nothing_.

She vaguely remembers a book she read in the library about traumatic experiences and the after effects on the psyche, at the time she didn't understand what they meant by the empty and detached feelings they described, according to the book she had _many_ traumatic experiences- but she _always_ felt them. Lingering mental and physical pain that never left the back of her mind. "_Clinical detachment_" or something along the lines of that, and now she gets it, this feeling of nothing, like a blank canvas, all fears or memories wiped clean.

She was pulled out of her phycological analysis of herself when the cab driver stopping the car and let her know they had arrived, she gave the man a polite smile and handed him the fare money, grabbing her bags and watching the man drive away. Once the car was out of sight, she turned to look at the house she would now call home, it was a better place to live then the main estate but still she had liked her apartment.

'_Well there's no time like the present_' a bitter laugh escapes her throat, her legs taking the proper motions to get to the entrance, she brings her hand to the door; aware that once she enters the house, she will be signing her fate. Once she enters this house she will be entering the world she so desperately wanted to avoid.

She can almost hear a younger version of herself screaming at her '_Turn around! Run!_' but the hollow void filling up her being just tunes it out and well- she knocks.

The door opened moments later, reveling a disheveled Shigure, a sight she hasn't seen in years.

"What can I do for- oh Haruhi! Come in!"

The dark-haired man yells once he notices the girl on his doorstep, he quickly pulls her into a tight embrace, she lets herself sink into the hug, it had been years since she could get any real physical contact with someone she cared about. After a minute he pulled away, keeping his hands on her shoulders as he looks over her with a bright smile, she tries to return it, but it was quite fake.

"Look at you Hari', you've grown up so much." He said using her childhood nickname coined by her close family members.

"Thank you Shigure, it's really nice to see you, thank you for letting me stay here, it means a lot."

"Don't even mention it, the boys are at school right now but should be home soon, let's get you settled in" Waving his arms as he grabbed her bags and led her up to a cleaned out bedroom.

"I'll give you some space to unpack, we can talk more once everyone is home." He said gently kissing the top of her head before heading out of the room, he stopped at the door looking over his shoulder before speaking again.

"It's good to have you home Hari." She gave him a soft smile before the door shut.

She lets herself fall onto the bed, not bothering to open up her bags yet, she looks around the clean room, empty spaces waiting to be filled, '_a clean slate, time to start over_' she thinks to herself, as she lets the blankness surround her, losing herself in it.

There's a certain peace in the white walls surrounding her. The room itself holds no memories good or bad, something about the lack of history makes her crack a small smile. It's like a physical interpretation of how she feels (or _doesn't_) right now. The white walls could become stained in blood just as easily as they could be painted a soft sky blue (just like her, neither pure nor corrupted.)

-but for now, they are simply blank.

After a few minutes she gets up, pulling the framed photographs out of her bag, placing them on the mahogany desk sitting in the corner. Photos of the life she got to live, one of the beach, the sunset beaming against the water while she sits in the sand. Another of Ranka and her laughing at a holiday party from last year, a picture of her at her middle school graduation with a bright smile on her face.

She puts her clothes into the closet, all of her personal items stored away, before her bags are empty and the room looks alive, she isn't sure how long she stood there looking at the room before she pulled out her notebook and started writing, anything to take her out of this state of confusion and hollowness.

_"__Here I am, once again. I thought this would be harder, it should be harder, but it isn't. Maybe I'm in denial or maybe I've just completely lost it, finally broken beyond repair; I suppose it doesn't truly matter at this point. I'm back and I can't change that, all I know is I am stronger now, I have to be. I got myself into one of the top schools in the world, I__**'**__ve taken care of myself for years. If I can do that then I can handle this, I am no longer the little weak girl I once was, I am better than her now, I have to be."_

She writes, re reading the words on the paper over and over. As if reading it will convince herself that they are true, because if there not then she doesn't know how she will make it out of this alive.

* * *

"-God damn rat, it was all your fault!"

"Shut up you useless cat."

The sound of yelling coming from downstairs breaks her out of her trace. She walks downstairs finding two teenagers arguing while the older man has an amused smile. It takes a few moments for the three to notice her presences.

"Haruhi." Yuki says looking up with a bright smile as before he pulls his younger sister into a tight hug.

He couldn't recall the last time he saw his sister; it was no secret that the relationship between the three silver haired Sohma's was strained at best. The youngest child was rarely discussed after her depart from the main estate but he had truly worried for her over the years, he was far more aware of her relationship with Akito then most of the other zodiacs. Once she left he had no idea how she was or where she was for that matter, he was happy to have her back, hopeful that he could finally connect with her; yet he was aware like everyone else that her being brought back was only a sign of more problems to come.

"Yuki, it's nice to see you again." She mumbled into his shoulder as they separated from the hug.

Before she could say anything else Kyo ran over to her and picked her up into a hug, pulling her off the ground for a moment, causing the girl to laugh out loud a bit.

"Hari, welcome home." Kyo said happily, his usual bad attitude slipping away as he hugged the girl. The two had always been very close, both being outcasted made it easy to understand each other, they never had to hide how they felt with one another. She ruffled his hair before he let her go.

"Kyo, I missed you." She said giving him a soft smile.

Shigure broke the moment as he led the three teenagers to the table so everyone could talk.

"So Hari what happened to your hair?" The eldest man asked looking at the short brown hair that used to be long and silver when she was younger.

"When I moved it made sense to dye it and I ended up keeping it that way but once I got into high school I wanted a change, so I cut it off, it way easier to manage now." She said, not wanting to go into detail with her family about how she is pretending to be a guy at school.

"Well it looks good, how have you been? What have you been doing?" Yuki asked his sister.

_I've had nightmares for years_

_I've been lying to everyone I know_

_I have been spending my time with only boys_

"I've been doing good." The lie came out far easier than it should have.

"I got into Ouran Academy which has been really nice, made some good friends, what about you guys? How have you all been?" She asks, avoiding going into detail about what has been going on over the years, her phone starts ringing, she quickly checks the caller ID "Tamaki" she hits ignore before looking back at the group.

"Well Yuki and Kyo here are both attending school, I'm working on my books, oh Haruhi have you seen my books?!" Shigure says with enthusiasm as the three teenagers roll their eyes.

"Yeah… They are interesting? Very graphic." She says laughing a bit.

"They are perverted." Kyo says bluntly.

"What about you Kyo? Are you still training?" She asks with a smile, remembering how hard the orange haired boy was training before she left.

"Yeah I am, but there is no worthy sparring partner here." He says which causes Yuki to scoff.

"Well good thing I'm back then, I could use a good match." She responds with a mischievous smile.

* * *

The four continued to talk for an hour, Haruhi's cell phone consistently going off with calls from the club members.

"Maybe you should answer, sounds like it might be important." Yuki says as it goes off again, she sighs before picking up.

"Hello?"

**_" _****_HARUHI! Why weren't you at school?! We have been worried sick! Is this about yesterday? Because as your family it is our job to look out for you! We went to your apartment at you weren't home, where are you?! As your father I need to know. "_**

Tamaki yells into the phone, causing her to move it away from her ear before he stops

"Tamaki Sempai shut up. One I wasn't at school because I had things to do, second as I told you all yesterday you need to stay out of my business. Third, I wasn't at the apartment because I'm staying with other family, and finally for the last time, you are not my father." She says in a sharp tone as the rest of the people at the table share worried glances.

**_" _****_Where? I will come pick you up! "_**

"None of your business, I am fine where I am, I will see you tomorrow."

_"__**Haruhi-"**_

**" **Bye Sempai." She says cutting him off before ending the call, rubbing her hands along her temples and letting out a deep sigh.

"Who was that?" Kyo asks clear aggravation in his tone.

"An idiot." She mumbles.

"Why did he say he was your father?" Yuki adds.

"Because he delusional and thinks he is… I'm sorry guys I'm going to turn in early, I didn't get much sleep last night" She says as she stands up and hugs everyone.

"Do you want to eat something first?" Shigure asks before she can leave.

"No I'm okay, not much of an appetite, goodnight." She says before making her way upstairs.

"Somethings up with her." Kyo says to no one in particular once he hears her door shut.

"What do you mean?" Shigure asks.

"She is off, not particularly happy or upset about being here. Plus that guy mentioned something about 'yesterday' something must have happened, also why is he even talking to a guy for that matter." Kyo says standing up.

"Just stay out of it dumb cat." Yuki shoots back, even though he had the same thoughts running through his own head. That was his sister, Kyo already knows more about her then he ever did, so he needs to be the one to helping her, it's supposed to be his job.

"Wanna say that again stupid rat?!" Kyo yelled, starting another-per usual fight between the two teenagers.

All worries momentarily forgotten.

_tbc._

* * *

**Notes:**

(This story is now caught up with the version on AO3, this past summer was rather intense for me so I rarely had time to write anything, but I've got the next to chapters of this story nearly done. )

I am unsure if I will be including Tohru in this story yet, I'm on the edge about it at the moment.

Either way, here we go with the first Fruit's Basket characters making an appearance.


	5. 05- Three Lost Children

Guilt is an odd emotion; it has the power to help us grow from our mistakes, the disappointment we feel in ourselves can give you the drive to be better, yet like every other emotion if not dealt with can also fluster and overwhelm your rationality.

Guilt can grow and grow until it manifests into a whirlpool of toxicity, by the time you notice that it's gotten out of hand you are already drowning in anger, resentment, and self hatred.

Ayame Sohma is no exception to this, while to the outside he is a flamboyant and vibrant man filled with passion and dreams, internally he is a timebomb of guilt and frustration, childhood regrets that eat him up inside while he tries to stay distracted.

Like every other cursed Sohma he was most definitely dealt the short stick in life, it's something everyone must come to terms with, but then he got older and more issues started coming his way.

He practically lost his mother at age ten, the birth of his brother taking over any relationship he had with the woman, he was simply discarded as the sickly rat of the zodiac came into the picture. It was so _unfair_, simply because he was the rat he was more important? Enough for his own mother to throw him away?

Yuki started to grow up and instead of growing with him Ayame simply made friends, the two never truly had a relationship, he didn't want one with the younger boy. He would later fill with deep rooted self-resentment due to his selfishness.

Not to long afterwards his mother became pregnant again, her desire to raise her social standing through her children becoming more prominent. Nine months later she gave birth to a girl this time, Haruhi.

Sadly for the woman his mother's plan backfired as the new child was shown to be an outcasted member.

He wasn't sure if it was shame she felt at having such a "monster" for a child or if she just lost her mind, but his mother quickly rejected the baby and had her memory of all three children wiped clean.

He knew somewhere deep in his mind that the baby wasn't truly to blame for his mother's craze for power, but it was easier to put the blame on the "monster" instead. It was easier to pretend that the little girl was the reason his life kept falling apart.

Just like his brother the young girl started to grow, just like his brother she soon faded away like a distant memory as Akito placed a claim upon her; at the time he truly couldn't have cared less.

Most days his siblings were nothing more than a passing thought, he was in high school now and had his own life, goals and dreams, no time to worry about the children who took over his family. While going to meet with Hatori and Shigure he came across the two talking quietly as if no to be overheard.

_He made his best attempt to listen in without alerting the two of his presence._

"_So you saw her? How is she?" Shigure asked._

"_I did, she was outside by the pond alone, some bandages covering up random areas but no open wounds, she's thin though. She was just sitting there quietly watching the water, I considered going over there, but she seemed to be peaceful in the silence." Hatori responded._

"_Will you tell Aya?" Shigure asked which answered his question on who they were referring to, his sister._

"_No, I don't think he wants to know." Hatori ended the conversation there before walking away._

He wasn't sure why that sentence hurt so much that day, it would take him years to realize that it planted the first seed of guilt in his body.

* * *

Shigure rarely contacted Ayame about something serious, (that was Hatori's job) their lives were already far too dark and complicated so when the two flamboyant men talked it was playful and light. When Ayame answered the phone to hear Shigure ask if he was busy in a serious tone, he knew something had happened.

"Did Hatori let you know that Haruhi was called back home?" Shigure asked.

For a moment it felt like the world stopped turning, all of the guilt that had been building up since he last saw his sister started to surface.

"No… Is she back now?" He responds, trying to keep his voice stable.

"Yeah, she arrived here today, she is going to stay with us; she will go and see Akito later this week."

He pauses before asking the question that has been haunting him for years now.

"How is she?"

"Hmm, she seems alright, a bit hesitant which is expected, closed off you could say. It will take some adjusting time for her but hopefully we can crack her shell a bit. Will you come see her?"

He wants to say yes, that he will go there with open arms and embrace her in a tight hug, but he knows the situation is far too complicated. He is still trying his best to repair his relationship with Yuki and that is barely working, the sister he basically pretended never existed is a whole other situation. Can he even do anything at the point?

"I want to, but I don't think I can…" His resolve cracks a bit as he voices his belief.

"You should talk to Yuki, he is in a similar boat as you. Even if it takes time you should at least get to know her, all three of you deserve to at least talk for a bit, find some middle ground." Shigure says, in one of the rare moments where he truly puts aside all jokes.

"Your right, I'll call Hatori tomorrow and see what he thinks, thank you Shigure." He says a quick goodbye before ending the call.

It's ironic the moment he turns from the phone rain starts to fall outside, lifeless grey covers the sky, he doesn't know what to do now, more than once he thought about when he would be able to reunite with the girl but now he has no idea what to do.

He simply watches the water fall on the ground and hopes tomorrow he can find some answers.

* * *

Haruhi grabs her school bag and falls on to her bed, she pulls out her cellphone which illuminates with a photo of the whole host club, such bright smiles placed upon each member's face, it's like a punch to the gut.

Emotionally she doesn't hurt but it's like a physical ache, taking residence in her stomach and chest. She quickly gets the photo off the screen and instead puts on a soft jazz song she likes to play when studying; hoping the slow instrumental tune will distract her from the pain racking her body.

She lets herself get thrown into her schoolwork, just as she did when she first left the Sohma estate, stay busy and motivated, she can do that.

Analyze the words of Joseph Heller, _avoid_ the intrusive thoughts about the people residing in this house.

Study mathematics formulas, _pretend_ you don't care that your God has called you home.

Write out a to-do list for this next week, _ignore_ the painful ache that fighting with the club gives you.

Stay on track to accomplish what you can, you may not be able to control what will happen next in your life, but you _can_ control _this_.

She lets herself work as hard as she can before her need for sleep takes over, making her pass out while still reading.

Dreams of quiet dinners with Ranka and the peaceful sound of pianos filling her subconscious.

* * *

Yuki was distracted, he tried to attempt homework which failed, tried to read, tried to sleep, but his mind was far to occupied with thoughts of the young girl who had taken residency in the next room over.

He continually spared glances at the wooden door across from him, how easy it would be to just get up and open it. As if the simple act of entering her room would remove the metaphoric door forever keeping the two siblings apart.

He lets himself indulge in thoughts of walking into her room and outstretching his hand, pretending the past never existed and pressing restart on their relationship.

_Hi, I'm Yuki your older brother, nice to meet you._

That's a nice fantasy, _impossible_; but still nice.

It was a bizarre situation at best, Haruhi was close in age to him so that should have allowed them to be closer, but it seemed the universe had different plans.

Haruhi was born, recognized as an outcast, rejected.

Simple. To the Point.

_Wrong. _A taunting voice says in his head.

_If it was the "simple" why would you feel so guilty?_

He could only remember a handful of conversations he ever had with the girl, most of the time it was just silence as the two crossed paths. Occasionally he would see her in the distance sitting outside or talking with Kyo, but more often than not he would hear someone whispering about her.

The closest thing to a "sibling relationship" they ever had was her holding his hand one afternoon.

_Eleven year old Yuki half laid half hung out the window of one of the many rooms in the main estate, his asthma once again keeping him room bound, the weather was so nice out so if he couldn't go outside he was most definitely going to try his best to experience it as much as possible._

_His coughing must have alerted someone to his pretense because he could hear footsteps before a plastic water bottle was placed upon the ledge of the window. He turned his head to find the person before he was met with a small girl, her hair color identical to his, her gaze was turned down to the ground; it didn't take long for him to realize who the girl was._

"_Thank you." He said to his sister, breaking the silence._

_She didn't look up but let out a small sound of acknowledgement before turning to walk away, without thinking he grabbed her hand to stop her. She stopped moving and turned to face him, confusion covering her face._

"_Stay for a minute?" He asks, she was silent for a moment._

"_Okay." She said with a slight nod, she interlocked her fingers with his._

_The two stayed that way for a few minutes before she spoke again in a soft tone._

"_The weather is really nice today, you can see all the clouds."_

"_Do you like going outside?" He asked._

"_Yeah, I don't do it a lot but it's always so quiet, peaceful." She said with a hint off wistfulness in her voice._

"_Yeah it is."_

_The two didn't stay together long before Kureno came and found Haruhi saying she was needed back inside. She didn't say anything, just gave Yuki a small smile before walking away._

That day was odd for him, he didn't know his sister very well and had never sought her out, but she gave him water when he was sick. She was nice to him even though she had no reason to.

Maybe that's what troubled him the most, she was kind and seemed confused that he wanted to talk to her, he heard people talk bad about her often, saw her hurt from Akito, she was rejected by nearly everyone but she _cared_ for him.

He let himself get swept up in the acts of the rest of the Sohma family, remaining aware of her treatment and said nothing. Then one day she was gone, apparently his brother gave her a contact for someone to live with and then there was silence, no one knew anything besides most likely Akito.

He was so unsure what to do now because they had nothing to really say to each other, they were practically strangers who shared DNA.

He almost feels envious of the Sohma's who can just hate her because of her curse, or Kyo who can care for her without any reservations because they are inherently the same; no one else besides maybe his brother have to feel the internal conflict that's been eating him alive for years.

He allows himself to sulk in his thoughts for a few more minutes before telling himself to suck it up and walks over to her room. He knocks on her door but receives no response, after a few moments he hesitantly opens her door.

The room is dark besides a lamp sitting on the desk, he looks around the small room, she has a few photos placed around the room showing her with a smile besides a red haired man, a smile so much brighter than he saw today (or ever for that matter.)

He looks at the bed and she is laying on top of the bedding surrounded by books and papers, she clearly fell asleep while working; he takes a deep breath before moving over to the side of her bed.

Her brown hair falls across her forehead, slightly messy as it frames her face, the small light in the room gives off a slight illumination showing a small pink blush resting upon her cheeks.

He studies her for a moment before picking up the schoolbooks and placing them on her desk, once he gets to the open notebook he lets his curiosity get the best of him. A quick glance shows it's a to do list of some sort,

_1\. Figure out transportation to and from school._

_2\. Apologize to the club, they are idiots but care for you (stay calm, don't snap.)_

_3\. Call Ranka, thank him for everything again._

_4\. Prepare to meet Akito._

_5\. Find time to study at school._

_6\. Make a schedule._

_7\. Figure out meal plans._

He shouldn't find it suppressing that she is planning out everything on her own, she has no reason to want to depend on him or anyone else. She has been living her own life for years now, most likely very different than how he has been, so why would she suddenly change?

It doesn't make it sting any less though, to see it in her own words, essentially conforming his earlier dilemma regarding there relationship standing. He moves the notebook over to the desk and grabs the lose blanket at the end of the bed, placing it over her gently so she doesn't wake up.

He takes one more look at her before heading out of the room, letting his mind wonder onto ideas of how to start some sort of relationship with the girl.

* * *

By midnight all three siblings are sleeping, each one of them very different in how they view themselves and the world around them-

but all essentially the same as confusion and pain eats them up inside.

_tbc._

* * *

**Notes:**

Woah I've finally updated.  
I apologize for taking so long, the summer was a very busy one for me & I had a lot to work on, I'm finally falling back into my normal schedule so hopefully I can actually start updating again. I promise I'll really get into the storyline in the coming chapters, but I needed to start painting a picture of everyones emotions so when we get into the more intense situations everyones reactions make sense.  
Happy October 3

(I own neither of these shows or the characters.)


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